| I don't really post about myself on this blog, I have mainly focused on my kids, their activities, the fun and the sad we have. I got to thinking this is a story of our life and I need to include my thoughts and personal feelings more often, so my kids have it all to look back on. The Codner Family story. This year I have been through quite a bit, 3 knee surgeries and Cancer. For the most part staying very positive. There were moments of, "are you kidding me" or "I'm going to sue the pants off my first knee surgeon" some real legit frustration. But like I said I kept on going. I still was still very involved and always thought I can get through this. Right when I was getting back on my feet and had a awesome vacation with my awesome husband, I noticed a abnormal mole on my chest. I knew it was going to come back pre cancerous since I have had 2 prior and a bunch of other moles removed. I went in on a Wednesday and got a phone call on Thursday telling me it had jumped to Melanoma, skin cancer. I questioned her and said, "you mean pre cancer? She said no as in cancer. She asked me if I was doing OK, and I responded, "yeah just fine." She gave me a lecture about never going in the sun again and scheduled me for surgery 9 days later. Initially I was not very concerned, until..... my husband called me back, questioning, "Did she say, Melanoma." I said, "yes, that's what she said." Then he explained it to me, that Melanoma is the deadliest skin cancer. There are a couple others, but melanoma is the one that spreads quick and kills you. Thanks for the peace of mind Steve. I know he was in shock and fear. He later told me, we both signed up for this job (meaning family, parenting) and he can't imagine doing it alone. Isn't it nice to know he can't live without me? Needless to say, it was a very emotionally exhausting week, waiting around to hear if the cancer had spread. I know it was on Steve as well, he hugged me different that week, My kids were very worried, in hind sight I would not have said anything to them, but they were in the car when I got the phone call. Lesson learned!!!! Luckily I caught it early, they got it all, and it did not spread. I will say that week gave me a lot of time to reflect about what is important. It told me a LOT about who my real friends are, how blessed I am to have my husband, my children, my Mom and Dad, my brothers and sisters, Sissy Jackson, Rachel Williams, and Kristi Garrett (Smith). I have a lot of other amazing friends but those 3 impressed me, all in different ways. I think it's been a tough year on me, well good grief, you poor friends, having to listen to me and occasionally talk me off the ledge. I learned a lot about prayer and the peace it can bring. I know that my Heavenly Father is always there for me and never disappoints. That is a very reassuring feeling when you are going through things that are out or your hands. In every situation in life I have felt like there was something I could do to fix what ever problem was thrown at me. While I was still being very proactive in this situation, there is not a lot you can do when your waiting around to hear if the cancer has spread. Even though I found that through out the week I was more concerned about the life style change than if it had spread. My brother Erik called one day when I was feeling a little down about the changes I was going to have to make, with my best friend the sun and being outside. He let me vent, he just listened and then prayed with me. He was such a blessing at that moment and brought me so much peace. I love that he paid attention to the Holy Ghost and what a example of the savior he was in that moment. While this all sounds very dramatic, it's really not. Life has gone back to normal except the big scar and all the sunblock I now use. I think the dramatic thing has been the spiritual change, I have grown so much this year. I have thought a lot more about the Mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend I want to be, I have never done so much sole searching. I am thankful for the growth and hope to continue down the path. Maybe with a few less trials :) I feel so blessed for the people in my life who have helped me through all of this and helped me to grow. Thanks you guys for being such a great examples of love. |
