My Testimony

On the car ride home from church this Sunday, we were talking about all the testimony's that were offered in sacrament meeting. I mentioned that I don't like to stand up and give mine, because, I don't like to cry about my feelings. My Mom said I should. So, for all of you who read my blog, which is mainly my family and friends (those that matter to me) here it is.
Lately I have been trying to pay attention to feelings, like at Eliza's baptism. I could think, of no place, I would want to be, than in the young women's room at my daughter's baptism. It was very peaceful, and just this calm sense of joy, through out her whole program. One testimony, that was offered, struck a cord with me. Bishop Gilliland was talking about over coming sadness after he lost a child. While, I don't suffer from the sadness of loosing a child, there are things, that I still carry from my past, that make me sad. I still have a hard time, letting go, of shame, and guilt.  Which ultimately lead pain and sadness. The bishop, talked about the Holy Ghost, as the comforter. One day he and his family knelt in prayer asking for some relief from all there, pain and sadness. It clicked with me, that maybe??? that's the one thing I haven't tried. It's so simple I've heard it all my life, yet for some reason I was still reaching out to family, friends for guidance. Thinking to my self, "But, I'm doing so much better. I'm fighting everyday to be the person I want to be."  I'm saying prayers, reading Scriptures, going to church, all the things I'm supposed to. I just haven't knocked on that door yet.  I was grateful to be in the room, to hear that testimony. It's just what I needed to hear. Answer to my prayers.  I've been telling my kids the last few days the definition, (in my words) to testimony; "what you know to be true." This is what I do know. I know that I have a Heavenly Father and Savior, who love me. I know that they answer prayers, even my personal prayers.  That miracles, "Great Miracles," happen on in my life, my families lives, and all over the world. I know that when I'm sitting in church, I have the feeling that this is were I should  be. I know that Joseph Smith, a 14 year old boy went into the woods to pray. He had a specific question, and it was answered by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, in the Sacred Grove. I know that Thomas S. Monson is our latter day prophet, here on this earth, to guide us in these last days. I am so blessed to have a Father and Mother who live the gospel to the fullest every day. They have always loved me unconditionally and been such a constant in my life. They are a wonderful example of the gospel. I have wonderful brothers and sisters, who love me despite all my weaknesses. A husband, who honors and loves me. There is no one on this earth, who knows me better. He is still my best friend, and my first go to guy. I couldn't make it with out him. I have 3 wonderful kids, who make me want to be better person, a better Mom, and a better friend. They are the light and joy in my life.
I'm grateful, (not really I don't know if I'm there yet). I'm defiantly on a journey in this life and I'm just so grateful I don't have to do it alone.
I say these things, in Jesus name, Amen. And while you all couldn't see me, I'll let you in on a little secret I did cry a few times. Love you all.